my burn out are sick mate i do mean pussy dount burn out
you should try it
it fully sick i swear to god you love it"
I don't even... what the fuck? Can someone explain this to me?
#38 ????
"hey chick
my burn out are sick mate i do mean pussy dount burn out
you should try it
it fully sick i swear to god you love it"
my burn out are sick mate i do mean pussy dount burn out
you should try it
it fully sick i swear to god you love it"
#37 How to get me in bed
"Wow those are some amazing tits, what would it take to get you in bed cutie?"
A time machine so you can go back and UNSAID that.
Or, go back so far that we can tell your mum that you should be the load that she should swallow.
#36 Selling my clothes
"ever been adventurous enough to sell your sexy knickers?"
Are you offering to buy them, or are you just curious?
Are you offering to buy them, or are you just curious?
#35 Helping strangers
"i like what i do as i help people for their emotional problems! i like to do some fun without any serious business"
Dr. Phil?!?!? When did you sign up to internet dating sites??
#34 Really sleazy cyber-sexing me.
"Heya I'm Nick Im a young confident young guy looking to have some fun.
I had a read through your profile and wrote this for you. Hope it turns you on hehe.
Dont be offended it was just a bit of fun.
I will start bykissing your neck while pulling you into the bed, my hand grazing your thigh as i push you down. i take off my top and slide down your body kissing it as i go down. I kiss your thigh rubbing my lips up towards your pussy. I pull aside your panties and lick your pussy, my tongue dancing around your clit as my finger slides inside you. after teasing you for a while I grab you and flip you. sicking my big hard cock inside your pussy as we fuck doggy style.
Hope you enjoyed that"
I had a read through your profile and wrote this for you. Hope it turns you on hehe.
Dont be offended it was just a bit of fun.
I will start bykissing your neck while pulling you into the bed, my hand grazing your thigh as i push you down. i take off my top and slide down your body kissing it as i go down. I kiss your thigh rubbing my lips up towards your pussy. I pull aside your panties and lick your pussy, my tongue dancing around your clit as my finger slides inside you. after teasing you for a while I grab you and flip you. sicking my big hard cock inside your pussy as we fuck doggy style.
Hope you enjoyed that"
EW GROSS. MORE LIKE CYBER RAPING ME.
That is so yuck, I don't want to hear about a stranger putting his disgusting mouth on my clunge.
UGHHH.
#33 LET'S MEET RIGHT NOW K?
"hi how are you today? i'm not goin to beat around the brush with lets talk to get to know each other before we meet and stuff so i'm straight talking guy who doesn't believe in waste your or mine time so you just want to meet for a chat and go from there?"
All my years of watching crime shows makes this scream serial killer at me. You may be just wanting to get things off the ground quickly... but, "LET'S MEET RIGHT NOW WITHOUT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER!" sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.
All my years of watching crime shows makes this scream serial killer at me. You may be just wanting to get things off the ground quickly... but, "LET'S MEET RIGHT NOW WITHOUT KNOWING ANYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER!" sounds like the beginning of a horror movie.
#32 The Competition
"so i better get in before you get taken then? babe i want you. what are you doing friday?"
Seriously. So now that you think some guy's going to snap me up, you *have* to fuck me? That's really unappealing.
And don't try the, "Oh, no, I just wanted to take you out for a drink," line. I know that it's bullshit.
Seriously. So now that you think some guy's going to snap me up, you *have* to fuck me? That's really unappealing.
And don't try the, "Oh, no, I just wanted to take you out for a drink," line. I know that it's bullshit.
I won't message you if...
You think that dropping out of high school means you're now a "Natural Genius".
#31 Urine play message
"Watersports/golden shower/YOU watching me drink/watch YOU...PISS? mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?"
Urine is for the toilet or if you get stung by a jellyfish. Actually, skip all that and I'll just put the jellyfish on your penis, you sicko.
Ughhh and DRINKING URINE??? What the fuck is wrong with WATER??? Fucking hell.
#30 Webcam offer
"hi there.. im about to blow my load do you wanna come see it on cam?"
I haven't replied yet, I wonder if he's still waiting? LOL BLUE BALLS.
#29 Meeting you is SUCH a privilege
"so when do you want to meet me?"
Wow! How cocky are you?
Try, "I'd like to meet you. Would you like to meet me too?"
Wow! How cocky are you?
Try, "I'd like to meet you. Would you like to meet me too?"
I won't message you if...
You're pro choice because "women make mistakes."
Yeah. Last time I checked, it's not just up to the woman to practise safe sex.
Yeah. Last time I checked, it's not just up to the woman to practise safe sex.
#28 Re-emailing to get a reply
"Why do you not return an email. You look like a nice person. Or are you not. ?"
The reason why I didn't reply was because 1) you are too old, like TOO old. 2) your first message to me was about how you wanted to suck on my tits. 3) your third message was about how you want to whisk me away and pleasure me on an island. 4) you UGLY.
So unless you want to hear all of the above, I wont be emailing you back.
#27 Onomatopoeia to describe your reaction to my hotness
"bham wham! ouch..smokin! whatsup??"
Dude, did you just crash your car and have it explode into flames or are you just happy to see me?
#26 Making a sleazy statement about my body part
"do you like guys cumin over your collarbones?"
How specific of you! Collarbones? Not my chest? Like a pearl necklace? Collarbones.
Cumin on my collarbones? Mmmm!! Seasonings!!
I won't message you if...
you're wearing a flat peak and doing a sign with your hands in your profile pic.
#25 Making out like you know what I want
"some are after a bit of fun even when they say they arent lol so what are you after? i bet u like it dirty."
I am here because I am looking for cool people to chat to. That's as fun as I will get. If my profile says that I am not interested in casual sexual relationships, it means I AM NOT INTERESTED IN CASUAL SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS.
I don't need the internet to find a guy who will root me once and leave. That's what the local RSA is for.
#24 X-rated Messages
"hi your cute love to make u wet and fuck ** young pussy"
Okay. When you saw my profile, what made you think, "Oh, I know! I'll send her a message telling her how much I want to fuck her young pussy."
Better yet, what made you think I would reply?
Okay. When you saw my profile, what made you think, "Oh, I know! I'll send her a message telling her how much I want to fuck her young pussy."
Better yet, what made you think I would reply?
#23 Being told you are too hot
"hay chik
kan i juz say u ar waaay 2 ht to b on here aye"
kan i juz say u ar waaay 2 ht to b on here aye"
Oh aye bro, yeah it's cuz I dunt talk so gud aye. Datz y ppl dun lyk me.
#22 The nude photos
"hav u seen me pic i gt clothed an nude"
Good job on getting two polite messages out of me before sending this.
However, no. I'm not one of the lucky girls you've sent your nudes to.
Good job on getting two polite messages out of me before sending this.
However, no. I'm not one of the lucky girls you've sent your nudes to.
I won't message you if...
you are trying to worm your way into the industry.
Just because I work in it, and you think you are good enough without any experience or training, doesn't mean I am going to hook you up.
#21 Asking for Sex Part 2
"hi how are you
wow your beautiful
are you interested in some no strings sexy fun with a 30 yr old guy"
Good job on the compliment, but my beautiful what?
wow your beautiful
are you interested in some no strings sexy fun with a 30 yr old guy"
Good job on the compliment, but my beautiful what?
I won't message you if...
You say 'should of' instead of 'should've'.
I mean, really? Should've may sound like should of, but how does should of make sense? Do you just not know that should've actually means should have, or are you an idiot?
I mean, really? Should've may sound like should of, but how does should of make sense? Do you just not know that should've actually means should have, or are you an idiot?
#20 You know me in real life
"Hey, just a question.. is that you XXXX XXXX? Sorry if this isn't you, you just look like someone I know.
-XXXXX X"
The downside of internet dating, people you know in real life recognise you. Shame :(
#19 The mention of a marital status
"Hi there, I'm a very easy going, happily married Auckland male in my early forties, who is looking for someone easy going to be a special friend with benefits (yes I know, happily married and friend with benefits don't exactly sound like they go together but...). Over the last few years as couple, we have found our libidos going in very opposite directions to the point that we are frustrating each other and it may be time to look at other options.
For now I'm testing the waters because even though we have talked as a couple about me finding a friend with benefits for more than a year and a half, it's harder to take the next step as she still hopes her libido will pick up.
About little bit about me: I'm a fun, kind, naughty but nice, slim, clean, cut and discreet (feel free to ask me anything)"
For now I'm testing the waters because even though we have talked as a couple about me finding a friend with benefits for more than a year and a half, it's harder to take the next step as she still hopes her libido will pick up.
About little bit about me: I'm a fun, kind, naughty but nice, slim, clean, cut and discreet (feel free to ask me anything)"
I basically stopped reading at MARRIED. Gross. Get a marriage counselor or a hooker or something.
#18 The, "I want to decorate you," message
"I want to decorate you in fruit and chocolate sauce and then eat it off you."
Wow.
Just... wow.
Wow.
Just... wow.
I won't message you if...
you have really curly hair.
I dont' trust men with curly hair.. eg. Justin Timberlake circa '01, Little Richard and David Hasslehoff.
#17 Scary fetishes
"Hi are you into rubber and pvc? Bondage? Check out my profile"
His profile pic is a pic of him in a black rubber gimp suit thing and then his other photo is of his penis sticking out of a slit made in his rubber gimp suit.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
#16 Unappealing offers, Part 2
"got a cam?"
So being online means that I'm going to take my clothes off and pleasure myself for you, right?
So being online means that I'm going to take my clothes off and pleasure myself for you, right?
#15 Unappealing offers
"hi there, i'd love to get naked on cam for you?"
So I get to see YOU naked? How is that going to turn me on? And have some confidence man! If you're offering your nudity on cam say with some assertiveness at least, like "HEY, I'M GOING TO GET NAKED ON CAM FOR YOU!"
At least I'd get a laugh out of it.
#14 The copy paste message
"Wow your beauitful i love your eyes. You are probably thinking, this is a copy paste message but I assure you it is not! i am a handsome man and i am looking for a women to keep me company on cold lonely nights. I am very honest and I am very fit too. I hope you like this personal message. Please meassage me back."
OBVIOUSLY not a copy paste message, even though you actually can't see my eyes at all in the pic and you don't reference anything about me in my profile to prove you have read it. Generic comments about yourself? Good one dick.
#13 The liar/bragger
"Hi there.
Hows things? I must apologise for not having a profile at this stage...no I am not married or attached if thats what you are thinking. Quite the opposite very free and single at the moment.
I am confident, good looking and extremely wealthy/GENEROUS!!!...this is all very unusual and one might ask...why be on this site? Well the answer to that is, my boozing days are over and prefer other means for meeting new people.
Anyway, if you are interested let move forward and see how things go. I am very open minded and am not in denial about sex like many seem to be.
I am actually 32, stuffed up setting up...lol
Thanks."
Hows things? I must apologise for not having a profile at this stage...no I am not married or attached if thats what you are thinking. Quite the opposite very free and single at the moment.
I am confident, good looking and extremely wealthy/GENEROUS!!!...this is all very unusual and one might ask...why be on this site? Well the answer to that is, my boozing days are over and prefer other means for meeting new people.
Anyway, if you are interested let move forward and see how things go. I am very open minded and am not in denial about sex like many seem to be.
I am actually 32, stuffed up setting up...lol
Thanks."
Yeah, nah. The fact you are bragging about money is a major turn off. GTFO.
#12 The 'go get yourself some smarts'
"You should go to college and test out those glasses."
Last time I checked, my profile clearly states I have a degree. How about you go get some glasses? :)
Last time I checked, my profile clearly states I have a degree. How about you go get some glasses? :)
#11 Asking for sex
"hey beby how wud u like to hav some fun no strings attached sex?"
Seriously, how appealing is that? So you are asking if we can have sex and then you don't want to know my name, have a conversation or call me the next day or buy me breakfast? And then you get to play with my vagina and feel my boobs and I get nothing out of it? What a great deal. I will just steal your wallet and cellphone while I'm there too. NO STRINGS.
#10 The, "But there's nothing wrong with the message I sent!"
"one question do you even knw where reply button is? i message was nothing wrong with it and no reply i am wonding why?"
(this was actually sent as a response)
Wow, how rude. Do you really want me to break it down for you?
- no photo.
- the funk bold title says you're searching for a relationship. I have no interest in a relationship. It may say underneath that you're also looking for other stuff, but the bold is what draws my attention.
- Your profile states that you're "lonely" and that you "want a female to turn your life around". Lonely is unappealing, as is wanting someone else to change your life.
- I listen to none of the music you have listed and I don't want to listen to it. Yes, that's important.
- You say that you're looking for friends where things could possibly turn into a relationship. However, from the amount of time you spend talking about your perfect match and how you don't want a girl who cheats, etc? For me, that's a turn off since I am in no way searching for a relationship - not even a friendship that can turn into a relationship.
- And then there's the fact that you were really rude to me over not getting a response. You may not have interpreted it as rude, but I did.
Moral of the story? No, your message had nothing wrong with it, but your profile has 5 instant dealbreakers for me. Sorry.
(this was actually sent as a response)
Wow, how rude. Do you really want me to break it down for you?
- no photo.
- the funk bold title says you're searching for a relationship. I have no interest in a relationship. It may say underneath that you're also looking for other stuff, but the bold is what draws my attention.
- Your profile states that you're "lonely" and that you "want a female to turn your life around". Lonely is unappealing, as is wanting someone else to change your life.
- I listen to none of the music you have listed and I don't want to listen to it. Yes, that's important.
- You say that you're looking for friends where things could possibly turn into a relationship. However, from the amount of time you spend talking about your perfect match and how you don't want a girl who cheats, etc? For me, that's a turn off since I am in no way searching for a relationship - not even a friendship that can turn into a relationship.
- And then there's the fact that you were really rude to me over not getting a response. You may not have interpreted it as rude, but I did.
Moral of the story? No, your message had nothing wrong with it, but your profile has 5 instant dealbreakers for me. Sorry.
#7 There might be a reason why I didn't reply
"hun you all ways snob me if you message me i can send a photo"
It's because your username is LUKIN4DURTGRL ... so it doesn't matter how you look.
#6 Random interest of yours is not sexy
"You like Babylon 5? Big fan of that show here."
Babylon what? Is number 5 better than number 4? Cool... well, I'm a big fan of cheese but I refrained from using that as a first message.
#5 The payment for a clothing item
"$1000 to meet with you slip your knickers of an leave , nothing else."
Do I get to keep my underwear once you've taken them off, or will you take them with you?
Because if you plan on taking them, then I want to be reimbursed for my underwear.
Do I get to keep my underwear once you've taken them off, or will you take them with you?
Because if you plan on taking them, then I want to be reimbursed for my underwear.
#4 generic pickup line
Yes because of course, what is going to make me want to reply is a stupid smiley wasting my bandwidth and the worst pick up line ever.
IT SURE IS HOT.. WHY IS THAT? OH GOD THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE! IT'S ON FIRE!!!!!!!!!
#3 Sex question
"hi what would you call great sex?"
Missionary. Lights off. Clothes on. 2 Thrusts. Done.
Does that turn you on baby??
#2 the incorrectly spelled smooth compliment
"hey wat nice bid boots"
I think he meant 'Hey, what nice big boobs.'
Smooth man, so smooth.
Shame it didn't work.
I think he meant 'Hey, what nice big boobs.'
Smooth man, so smooth.
Shame it didn't work.
#1 The 'I Love You'
"I think I love you."
Really?
No wait, really?
You've received a couple of emails from me and you think you love me? Wow. Are you just not used to people being nice, or do you say that to all the girls?
Really?
No wait, really?
You've received a couple of emails from me and you think you love me? Wow. Are you just not used to people being nice, or do you say that to all the girls?